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How do you look at someone to make them love you?

Looking at someone in a way that makes them fall in love with you is not as simple as giving them a longing gaze. True love comes from a deep connection and understanding between two people, built over time through open communication, shared experiences, and genuine affection. However, there are some tips on sharing eye contact that can help foster intimacy and attraction when used appropriately.

Maintain Eye Contact

Making eye contact demonstrates confidence, interest, and engagement. When you look someone in the eyes as you speak to them or listen to them talk, it shows that you are focused entirely on them in that moment. However, prolonged staring can feel aggressive or make the other person uncomfortable. The key is to maintain eye contact for a few seconds at a time, then briefly break it before resuming again. This creates a connection without being too intense.

Allow Your Eyes to Softly Focus

Rather than keeping your eyes fixed in an unblinking stare, allow them to relax and softly focus on the other person. Let your gaze naturally drift over their face and eyes, taking in their expressions. This creates a gentle, intimate energy between you. It also allows you to take in their subtle cues and emotions more deeply. A soft, relaxed gaze conveys affection and interest without being demanding.

Let Your Eyes Light Up

When you feel joy, attraction or laugh together, let your eyes visibly light up and crinkle at the corners. These genuine expressions of happiness and excitement are contagious and will make the other person feel good. Your eyes convey a range of emotions that your words cannot. When your eyes light up, it sends positive signals of enjoyment and connection, making the moment more special.

Make Eye Contact While Listening

When the other person is speaking, make consistent eye contact to show that you are engaged and attentive. However, don’t stare blankly, but rather let your eyes express interest, understanding and care. Nodding along and making small verbal cues like “uh huh” or “I see” also enhances your listening. When you actively listen with your eyes as well as your ears, it makes the person feel truly heard and valued.

Gaze Deeply During Connection

If you are sharing a moment of emotional intimacy or physical closeness, you can make eye contact for longer intervals, really gazing into each other’s eyes. This extended, soulful eye contact releases oxytocin, the “love hormone” that promotes bonding. You’ll be amazed at the connection you can feel just by looking deeply into someone’s eyes for half a minute or longer. However, it only works if both people are willing participants in the mutual gaze.

Break Away at Times

On the other hand, continually staring into someone’s eyes during an entire date or conversation can feel uncomfortable or strange. Break eye contact frequently by glancing away, looking around the room, or focusing on something else briefly before reestablishing eye contact. This gives you both a respite and avoids an excessive intensity. A break in eye contact can also build anticipation and interest.

Avoid Staring Too Long

In most social and professional situations, avoid staring at someone for longer than about 4-5 seconds at a time. Lingering stares past this point can make people uneasy. Quickly averting your eyes if you wind up staring too long also helps diffuse any awkwardness. Keeping eye contact brief and intermittent generally keeps things comfortable while still allowing connection.

Observe Comfort Level

Pay attention to the other person’s body language, tone, and reactions to gauge if your eye contact is making them uncomfortable or not. Signs of discomfort may include leaning away, crossing arms, fake smiling, or breaking eye contact frequently. If so, soften your gaze or look at them less directly. Matching the tone and intensity of their eye contact provides a mutual comfort zone.

Eye Contact Etiquette

There are some etiquette guidelines around socially appropriate eye contact:

  • Maintain eye contact when introductions are made, during handshakes.
  • Make direct eye contact when toasting with drinks.
  • Keep reasonable eye contact during conversations, looking away or down periodically.
  • Avoid staring at strangers in public, as it can seem threatening.
  • Maintain eye contact more when communicating something important.
  • Break eye contact if it causes visible discomfort or awkwardness.

Following these general rules prevents eye contact from feeling like a stare-down while allowing meaningful connection when appropriate.

Cultural Differences

Acceptable eye contact varies greatly between cultures. For example:

  • In Western cultures, direct eye contact shows confidence and is considered appropriate.
  • In Asian cultures, less direct eye contact is more respectful.
  • Latin Americans engage in more frequent, intense eye contact.
  • Germans tend to make very little eye contact comparatively.

Consider cultural norms when interacting with people of different backgrounds. Adjust your eye contact appropriately to avoid causing offense.


Looking at someone you care for deeply in a way that connects and compels is an artform. Choose moments of extended eye contact wisely, follow their cues, and avoid staring too intensely. When balanced properly, eye contact fosters attraction, comfort and intimacy in relationships. But it also takes openness, communication, and genuine interest in the other person to truly make someone love you back.