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Is a kiss too much on a first date?

A first date can be an exciting yet nerve-wracking experience. As the date comes to a close, you may wonder if a kiss is appropriate or too much for a first meeting. There are many factors to consider when deciding whether to kiss on a first date.

When is a first date kiss appropriate?

Here are some signs that a kiss may be suitable at the end of a first date:

  • You’ve built up a romantic connection and chemistry throughout the date through flirting and meaningful conversation.
  • Your date has given cues, such as close eye contact, light touching, and body language facing you.
  • The mood feels right – you are both relaxed and having fun.
  • Your date hasn’t pulled away from subtle physical contact during the date.
  • The conversation has turned more intimate and personal as the date progressed.
  • You are both lingering at the end of the date, not wanting the night to end yet.

The success of a first date kiss also depends on how you initiate it. Going in slowly gives your date the chance to pull away if they feel uncomfortable. Read their body language first rather than diving straight in for a kiss.

When is kissing too much for a first date?

Here are some signs that kissing may be moving too fast on a first date:

  • You have not flirted or established romantic interest in each other during the date.
  • Your date seems uncomfortable with physical touch or contact.
  • The mood feels awkward, tense or lacks chemistry.
  • It is early in the date.
  • Your date pulls away or avoids eye contact and physical proximity.
  • You have not asked for consent or permission.

Pushing for an unwanted kiss can ruin the chances of a second date and can make your date feel pressured. If you are uncertain, it is better to wait until another time when you have established more of a connection.

How to initiate a first date kiss

If the moment feels right, here are some tips for initiating a kiss for the first time:

  • Make eye contact and gauge their reaction – do they hold your gaze or glance down at your lips?
  • Compliment them to break the ice and lighten the mood.
  • Find an intimate moment, such as saying goodbye by their car or at their door.
  • Move closer slowly, giving them time to pull away if they want.
  • Brush their arm gently or touch their hand.
  • Ask politely if you can kiss them.
  • Lean in most of the way, allowing them to close the gap if they want to kiss.
  • Keep it brief and don’t use tongue – you can build up from a gentle peck.

Being patient and not rushing into a first kiss can set the stage for building intimacy at a pace you are both comfortable with. Let it happen organically.

How to politely decline a first date kiss

If you don’t feel ready to kiss on a first date, don’t feel pressured to go through with it. Here are some polite ways to avoid an unwanted kiss:

  • “I had a really great time tonight, but let’s take this slowly.”
  • “I’m sorry, I’m just not quite comfortable with kissing yet. I hope you understand.”
  • “You’re really sweet, but I’d rather wait until we know each other a bit better.”
  • “I’m flattered, but let’s just say goodnight for now.”
  • “I’d rather take things slow. I hope that’s okay.”

You don’t owe anyone physical intimacy. A respectful date will appreciate you voicing your boundaries. Declining a kiss politely can still leave the door open for a second date if you’re interested.

Is kissing on the first date a bad idea?

Kissing on a first date is not necessarily a bad idea. Here are some pros and cons to consider:

Pros Cons
  • Builds physical intimacy
  • Expresses your attraction and interest
  • Creates a memorable ending to the date
  • Leaves you both wanting more
  • May be moving too fast for some people
  • Potential for rejection or awkwardness
  • Sets physical expectations for future dates

A kiss can be appropriate if you have chemistry and interest is clearly mutual. However, consent, comfort levels and pacing are key. Some prefer to build a friendship first. There are no hard rules – it depends on the people involved and judging the moment correctly.

How to end a first date without a kiss

Ending a great first date without a kiss can still be romantic. Here are some ideas:

  • Maintain eye contact and smile sincerely as you say goodnight.
  • Verbalize that you had a great time and would love to see them again.
  • Lean in for a hug or briefly touch their arm/hand.
  • Text them soon after to say you got home safely and enjoyed their company.
  • Plan a thoughtful second date like cooking dinner together.
  • Send a thank you text or email reiterating your interest.

Being affectionate without kissing shows respect for their boundaries. Not forcing physical intimacy early on can build anticipation for future dates.

Expert opinions on first date kissing

Here are some thoughts from relationship experts on navigating first date kissing:

Matchmaking advisor Diane Kirschner

“Kissing on a first date for a man is not generally a big deal. For a woman, it likely means she’s ready to see him again. Don’t kiss unless you want to see him again!”

Kirschner emphasizes consent and not feeling pressured into physical intimacy before you are ready.

Dating coach Damona Hoffman

“My rule of thumb is to start and end the date with a hug. If there’s chemistry, she’ll let you know she wants more. Let her set the pace.”

Hoffman advocates moving slowly and following cues from your date when considering escalating physically.

Psychologist Carmen Harra

“A first date kiss can be exciting and communicate attraction, but take it slowly. Rushing to kiss someone you barely know can be off-putting.”

Harra recommends building intimacy gradually rather than being overly aggressive on a first date.

Key Considerations

Here are some final tips for deciding whether or not to kiss on a first date:

  • Get consent – either ask politely or communicate your interest through body language cues.
  • Respect boundaries – don’t force it if one person declines.
  • Read the mood – ensure you are both giving off signs of mutual interest and attraction.
  • Take it slowly – start with brief gentle kisses instead of intense makeout sessions.
  • Consider timing – end of date kisses tend to feel more natural.
  • Follow up after – if you don’t kiss, text them you had a great time and want to see them again.
  • Don’t make assumptions – kissing early on does not guarantee future dates.

While kissing can be exciting and romantic, don’t let the pressure to kiss on a first date override listening to your own comfort level. A kiss will likely happen when the time and chemistry feels right if you continue dating.


Kissing on a first date is truly a personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer, only what feels appropriate for the specific situation and people involved. Clear communication, moving slowly and respecting mutual comfort levels are key. A first date kiss can happen organically if flirting and physical intimacy are paced appropriately. However, there should be no assumptions or pressure. Getting to know each other while building attraction and trust can create the perfect moment for a magical first kiss.