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Is he taking me for granted?

It’s easy to feel like your partner is taking you for granted, especially when the relationship has been going on for a while. The early days of a relationship are often filled with passion, excitement and grand romantic gestures. But as time goes on, the spark can seem to fade. Your partner may not seem as attentive or make the effort to plan special dates anymore. This can leave you wondering if they still appreciate you or if the relationship has gone stale. However, there are many signs that can reveal whether your partner genuinely values you or has started to take you for granted. In this article, we’ll explore some of the most common red flags, as well as tips for improving communication and reconnecting. With some insight and effort, it is possible to get your relationship back on track if your partner has been taking you for granted.

Signs Your Partner Is Taking You for Granted

Here are some of the most telling signs that your partner may be taking you for granted:

– They are dismissive of your feelings and needs. A partner who no longer considers your emotions or requirements in daily life may have mentally checked out of the relationship.

– They ignore your requests and input. Partners who disregard your opinions or requests for help likely don’t value your perspective.

– They don’t express appreciation. If your partner hardly ever thanks you or acknowledges your efforts, they likely expect your contributions without gratitude.

– They focus only on themselves. Self-centered partners who rarely ask about your day or show interest in your life aren’t giving you the care and attention you deserve.

– They flake on plans and commitments. Partners who frequently forget important dates, cancel plans last minute or bail on commitments could be taking you and your time together for granted.

– They take you for granted financially. Partners who no longer seem to value or acknowledge your financial contributions are showing disregard for your efforts.

– They betray your trust. Partners who hide things from you, lie, or break promises are not treating the relationship with care and respect.

– They stop putting in effort. Partners who stop making an effort to impress you, plan dates or initiating physical intimacy have likely checked out.

– They compare you to others. Partners who frequently comment on how you don’t measure up to friends’ partners or their past relationships are displaying a lack of gratitude.

– They take advantage of your kindness. Partners who take advantage of your goodwill by making increasing demands but hardly reciprocating are likely using you.

Why Partners Sometimes Take Their Loved Ones for Granted

There are a few common reasons why people in relationships may gradually start to take their partners for granted:

– Comfort and complacency. The security and comfort of a long-term relationship sometimes leads partners to lose sight of how lucky they are to have each other.

– Stress and distraction. Everyday stressors and distractions like work, family demands and technology can divert focus from the relationship.

– Loss of identity. Over time, partners can become so merged in each others’ lives that they lose a sense of their own identity and purpose outside the relationship.

– Normalization of flaws. Long-term partners become so accustomed to each other’s quirks and flaws that they forget to appreciate each other’s positive qualities.

– Lack of boundaries. Absence of healthy boundaries can lead partners to overstep each other’s reasonable needs and take entitlements.

– Poor communication habits. Partners who have lost the habit of open communication and expressing appreciation may operate on assumptions rather than clarity.

– Fear of vulnerability. Partners who fear becoming emotionally intimate and vulnerable may subconsciously create distance in the way they treat each other.

– Individual changes. Major life changes like career shifts, financial stress, health issues or trauma can impact how partners relate and treat each other, sometimes causing detachment.

– Familiarity breeding contempt. The old adage warns that excessive familiarity in a relationship can sometimes lead partners to lose respect for each other over time and adopt bad habits.

How To Tell If You Are Taking Your Partner for Granted

It’s also important to reflect on your own behavior and consider whether you have been taking your partner for granted. Here are some signs:

– You dismiss your partner’s opinions and requests

– You criticize more than compliment

– You’ve stopped expressing appreciation for your partner out loud

– You make decisions without consulting your partner

– You feel annoyed or irritated by your partner’s minor flaws

– You frequently break commitments and agreements with your partner

– You’re no longer intimate or affectionate with your partner

– You compare your partner negatively to other people

– You share less about your own life and emotional needs

– You rely heavily on your partner for support but give little in return

– You feel your partner is lucky to have you but don’t feel lucky yourself

– You take your partner and their presence in your life for granted

Being honest with yourself is important. If you recognize yourself in this list, then it’s time to take steps to break out of those patterns and start actively appreciating your partner again.

How to Stop Taking Your Partner for Granted

If you realize that you’ve been taking your partner for granted, don’t panic. There are many ways you can reignite the spark and strengthen your bond again.

– Make gratitude a daily habit. Start expressing out loud what you appreciate about your partner on a daily basis.

– Reflect on what first drew you to your partner. Recall the positive qualities that attracted you early on in your relationship and let your partner know you still value those traits.

– Have weekly check-ins. Set aside time each week to genuinely check in with each other about needs, frustrations and the state of the relationship.

– Prioritize quality time together. Plan regular date nights and activities focused on quality bonding without distractions. Rediscover each other’s passions and interests.

– Re-establish intimacy. Reignite intimacy through affectionate touch, loving words, reliving special memories, adventurous sex, honest conversations. This builds trust and connection.

– Write love notes. Leave your partner surprise romantic notes expressing what you cherish and appreciate about them.

– Reaffirm your commitment. Verbalize that your relationship is a priority and reaffirm your devotion. This provides reassurance.

– Respect boundaries. Have an open discussion about boundaries you would each like respected within the relationship, then honor those.

– Seek help if needed. Consider relationship counseling if you need help breaking negative patterns, improving communication, or reconnecting intimately.

How to Know if Your Partner is Taking Steps to Appreciate You More

How do you know if the efforts you’ve made are working and your partner is actively trying to stop taking you for granted? Watch for these signs:

– They are attentive when you speak and make eye contact. Partners who value you will listen attentively, without distractions.

– They thank you and express frequent appreciation. More gratitude and praise is a clear sign you are valued.

– They initiate thoughtful gestures. Partners making an effort will surprise you with gifts, date nights, meals cooked or other signs they’re thinking about you.

– They open up more emotionally. When your partner feels more comfortable being vulnerable and sharing feelings with you, it’s a sign they want to connect.

– They take initiative. Partners who plan fun outings, make reservations at your favorite restaurant or look for ways to spice things up are making a real effort.

– They show physical affection. Increased non-sexual physical touch, hugging, kissing and hand-holding means your partner craves genuine intimacy with you.

– They support your goals. When your partner begins taking interest in your growth and aspirations again and offers real support, they are invested in your well-being.

– They compromise and cooperate. Partners who work to find solutions, meet you halfway and consider your needs as much as their own are showing you are a priority to them.

– They apologize for past disregard. A sincere apology and acknowledgment of ways your partner may have taken you for granted in the past demonstrates changed perspective.

– They seek counseling if needed. When your partner agrees to relationship counseling, they are willing to work actively to improve your connection.

What To Do If Your Partner Continues Taking You for Granted

What should you do if your partner continues to take you for granted after you’ve communicated your feelings and concerns? Here are some tips:

– Reflect on your own behavior. Consider whether you have enabled patterns of disregard by not speaking up about needs and continuing to over-give.

– Have an honest conversation. Clearly but kindly explain that you don’t feel valued or appreciated and changes need to be made for the relationship to improve.

– Suggest counseling. A neutral third party can sometimes help identify unhealthy dynamics and teach skills like active listening, empathy and conflict resolution.

– Set boundaries and stick to them. Decide what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship and hold both yourself and your partner accountable.

– Take space if needed. Taking a relationship hiatus or trial separation can give both partners clarity. However, discuss rules, expectations and timeline.

– Weigh your options. Make an honest appraisal of whether your partner will be able to meet your needs in the relationship. Is more effort worth it?

– Prioritize self-care. Boost your self-esteem through supportive friends, pursuing passions, self-care activities, even therapy if needed.

– Consider ending the relationship. If you’ve tried all avenues with no change, it may be healthiest to let go. Surround yourself with supportive people as you grieve and move forward.

The key is to reflect on your own role, communicate clearly and give your partner opportunities to improve. However, you deserve to feel valued in a relationship. If that can’t ultimately be provided, letting go may be the healthiest option.


It’s normal for sparks to fade over time in a relationship. But partners who genuinely care for each other will notice when they are taking each other for granted and will make active efforts to show appreciation. Pay attention to any signs of disregard in your relationship. Have honest conversations, suggest solutions and notice if real change occurs. Although it can be painful to let go of a relationship if needed, you deserve to feel cherished by a partner who truly values you. With good communication, commitment and compassion, an “is he taking me for granted” situation can often be turned around. However, if repeated efforts fail, never hesitate to choose your own worth and walk away.