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Is it OK to reconnect with an ex?

Deciding whether or not to reconnect with an ex can be a difficult decision. On one hand, there may be good reasons you broke up in the first place. On the other hand, feelings don’t always disappear overnight. If you’re debating getting back in touch with an ex, consider the potential pros and cons first.

Should you reconnect with an ex?

Reconnecting with an ex is very situational. There are some cases where it may be a good idea to reconnect, and others where it’s better to leave the past in the past. Here are a few key factors to consider:

  • Why you broke up – If the issues that caused your breakup were minor or situational, reconnecting could work. But if you broke up over significant problems or core incompatibilities, it’s unlikely much has changed.
  • Time passed – More time allows both people to gain perspective and work on themselves. Reconnecting very soon after a breakup is less likely to go well.
  • Your intentions – Be very honest with yourself about why you want to reconnect. Are you lonely? Bored? Or have you genuinely grown and think you could make it work now?
  • Their openness – Have they given any indication they’d be open to reconnecting? Or have they made it clear they’ve moved on?

If it’s been awhile, growth has occurred, and you’re both open to it, reconnecting could work. But don’t get back in touch just because you miss them or want attention. Make sure your intentions align with the situation.

How to reconnect with an ex

If you’ve decided it’s worth reaching out to an ex, here are some tips for making that contact go smoothly:

  • Start slowly – Don’t pour your heart out right away. Begin with a friendly, no strings attached message just to test the waters.
  • Suggest meeting in person – Serious conversations are best had face-to-face. But don’t force it if they seem hesitant.
  • Discuss the past – Have an open and honest dialogue about why you broke up and how you’ve grown since then.
  • Set boundaries – Make expectations clear regarding the relationship moving forward to avoid hurt feelings.
  • Give it time – Rebuilding a connection takes time. Don’t rush back into anything serious too quickly.

The most important things are being respectful, managing expectations, and evaluating if reconnecting is truly best for both people. Don’t let wishful thinking cloud your judgement.

Signs reconnecting is a good idea

How can you tell if trying again with an ex is a wise move or a recipe for disaster? Here are some positive signs:

  • The breakup was circumstantial, not fundamental – External factors, not core incompatibilities, caused the breakup.
  • You’ve both grown – Time apart has allowed for self-improvement and maturity.
  • There’s open communication – You’re able to discuss the past and set new boundaries.
  • There’s no toxicity or abuse – The relationship was healthy outside of the issues that led to the split.
  • You share a strong connection – Even after time apart, the bond and attraction remains.

In these cases, there’s a solid foundation and potential for growth. But you still need to tread carefully and have realistic expectations when reuniting.

Red flags that reconnecting is unwise

Here are some concerns that suggest giving an ex another chance may be unwise:

  • Core values and lifestyles no longer align – Evolving in different directions during time apart.
  • Deal-breaking problems remain unresolved – Fundamental issues that caused the breakup haven’t improved.
  • One person has moved on – One person is clearly no longer interested in revisiting the relationship.
  • There are unresolved feelings – One or both people still have strong hurt, anger, resentment or distrust.
  • Patterns start repeating – Falling back into old negative cycles and power dynamics.

In these situations, reconnecting is unlikely to be fruitful or lead to a healthy relationship. At best it may provide closure, but likely it will only reopen old wounds.

Are post-breakup friendships possible?

Trying to reconnect as friends rather than as romantic partners is another option. Here are some pros and cons of post-breakup friendships:


  • Maintains a meaningful connection
  • Allows gradual rebuilding of trust
  • Fulfills unfinished emotional needs
  • Provides support and companionship


  • Easy to rekindle romantic feelings
  • Prevents a clean break and moving on
  • May interfere with future relationships
  • Crossing relationship boundaries can be confusing

Post-breakup friendships take maturity, strong boundaries, and mutual interest to succeed. If managed well, they can be enriching. But proceed cautiously as many pitfalls exist.

Healthy ways to reconnect with an ex

If you decide to reconnect with an ex, either as friends or more, here are some healthy dos and don’ts:


  • Take it slow and keep expectations realistic
  • Have honest conversations about the past
  • Fully let go of hurts and grievances
  • Establish respectful new boundaries and expectations
  • Allow adequate time for trust to rebuild
  • Seek support from friends/family to avoid emotional dependence


  • Use contact as a manipulative tactic
  • Dwell on the past or reopen old wounds
  • Try to relive the old relationship
  • Hide contact from any new romantic partners
  • Enable toxic or abusive patterns to resurface

Making a reconnection healthy, positive, and drama-free takes intention and self-awareness from both people involved.


Reconnecting with an ex can go either way – sometimes it’s wise, sometimes it only leads to more pain. Consider your unique circumstances objectively. If you broke up for minor reasons and have both done self-work since, it may be worth another try. But if major incompatibilities remain unresolved, let the past stay in the past. Any contact should be respectful to both parties. With wisdom and patience, post-breakup friendships are possible. But forcing a reunion that isn’t meant to be will only cause more hurt. Trust your intuition – you’ll know deep down if reconnecting is the right move.