The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness and holding grudges. God calls us to freely forgive others, even when it is difficult. However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean trusting someone again or reconciling a relationship. We must be wise and protect ourselves from future harm. The Bible provides both instructions and examples of godly forgiveness, as well as warnings about the dangers of refusing to forgive and holding onto bitterness.
What is forgiveness?
According to the Bible, forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. It does not remove all consequences of the wrong act, and it does not require reconciliation in every situation.
Forgiveness is a personal issue between you and God. When you forgive, you are releasing the other person from your condemnation, even if they are not repentant. You are choosing to leave judgment in God’s hands. Forgiveness brings freedom to move forward in God’s grace and prevents the bitterness of an unforgiving heart from taking root.
Forgiveness is not:
- Forgetting what happened
- Denying or minimizing the harm caused
- Excusing the other person’s behavior
- Reconciliation (restoring a relationship)
- Trusting someone again who has not changed
Why does God call us to forgive others?
God desires His children to be forgiving for several key reasons:
- Because God forgave us. Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
- To free us from bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 warns us to “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Forgiveness prevents this bitterness from taking root in our hearts.
- So that we reflect God’s heart. Jesus told His followers in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
- For the good of the church. Ephesians 4:31-32 instructs believers to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Our unity depends on forgiveness.
Does forgiveness mean allowing injustice or harm?
While Scripture calls us to freely forgive, it does not say we must allow ourselves to be harmed or mistreated repeatedly. The Bible teaches wisdom and highlights the need for healthy boundaries.
For example, if a friend lies about you, you can forgive them but also choose not to trust them with sensitive information again. If a relative abuses you, you can forgive them but also cut off contact. Forgiveness allows you to release bitterness and judgment over what happened, but does not require putting yourself in danger of further harm. You can forgive someone and still pursue reasonable consequences for their actions.
What does the Bible say about holding grudges?
The Bible strongly warns against holding grudges and clinging to bitterness. Here are some verses on the dangers of refusing to forgive:
- “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” – Hebrews 12:15
- “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32
- “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” – Matthew 6:14-15
A grudge or refusal to forgive allows bitterness to take root and grow in your heart. This prevents you from fully receiving God’s grace and poisons your relationships with others. It leads to anger, resentment, and even vengeance – which God reserves as His right, not ours. Holding onto pain and anger gives power to the person who hurt you and keeps you trapped in the past.
Examples of forgiveness in the Bible
Here are some powerful stories of forgiveness in the Bible:
Jesus forgives those who crucified Him
As Jesus hung on the cross, dying for the sins of the world, He prayed to God the Father: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34). Even in immense physical and spiritual pain, Jesus exemplified radical forgiveness.
Stephen forgives those who stone him
Stephen was stoned to death for being a follower of Jesus. As he was being killed, he prayed, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60). Like Jesus, he forgave his murderers.
Joseph forgives his brothers
Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery out of jealousy. Years later, when Joseph was in a position of power over them, he forgave them, saying, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” (Genesis 50:20).
The prodigal son’s father forgives his repentant son
In Luke 15:11-32, Jesus tells the parable of the prodigal son who demanded his inheritance early, went off and squandered it, then returned home repentant. The father embraced and fully restored his son, a picture of our Heavenly Father’s forgiveness when we repent.
Steps to forgive someone according to the Bible
Forgiveness is a process that takes time. Here are some Biblical steps to work through:
- Release your right to take revenge. Romans 12:19 says “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.” Allow God to be the judge.
- Commit to pray for the person who harmed you. Jesus said to “pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Praying for someone softens your heart.
- Recognize that Christ died for their sins too. Know that this person is also loved by God and in need of His grace, just like you.
- Make a decision to forgive them. Forgiveness is an act of your will. You can choose to forgive someone, by God’s grace, even if you don’t feel like it.
- Release feelings of anger and bitterness to God. Accept God’s healing for the hurt they caused. Bring your pain to the cross.
- Bless them. Follow Jesus’ example and ask God to bless them. You can break free from the desire for vengeance when you sincerely wish God’s best for them.
What happens if we don’t forgive?
Here are some consequences of refusing to forgive others according to Scripture:
- You are imprisoned by bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 warns of a “bitter root” that grows up and defiles many.
- You cut off your relationship with God. Matthew 6:15 says “if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
- You harm your witness. 2 Timothy 2:24-26 says a “servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind…and gently teach.”
- You miss out on fellowship in the church. Unforgiveness divides believers. Ephesians 4:31-32 emphasizes the need for forgiveness to maintain unity.
- You give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27 warns us not to “let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Choosing not to forgive leads to bitterness, broken relationships, and spiritual darkness. Scripture repeatedly emphasizes the importance of forgiveness for our own good.
Conclusion
The Bible contains a clear call and many examples of radical forgiveness. Because Christ freely forgave our sins on the cross, we are to freely forgive those who wrong us. However, forgiveness does not mean letting ourselves be harmed or mistreated. Through God’s grace, we can make the choice to forgive, releasing bitterness and judgment and entrusting justice to the Lord. This allows us to live in the freedom of His love.
