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What is the problem in assuming that others are like us?

It’s natural for humans to assume that others think, feel and behave similarly to themselves. We tend to project our own attributes, perspectives and experiences onto other people. This assumption that others are like us can lead to significant problems in relationships, communication, business dealings and society as a whole. Understanding the pitfalls of this assumption and learning to see beyond our own viewpoint is an important skill for improving empathy, compassion and understanding between people.

The Fundamental Attribution Error

In psychology, the assumption that others are like us is known as the fundamental attribution error or correspondence bias. This refers to the tendency to over-emphasize personality-based explanations for behaviors while under-emphasizing situational factors. For example, if someone shows up late for a meeting, we might quickly conclude that they are disorganized or lazy. But there may be situational factors at play, such as heavy traffic or a last-minute emergency. The fundamental attribution error causes us to ignore these external factors and assume the behavior reflects the person’s inherent nature.

Why We Make This Assumption

There are several key reasons why people commonly commit the fundamental attribution error:

  • We lack access to situational information. When observing others, we can’t read their mind or know the situational factors impacting them. This makes it easier to default to personality attributions.
  • Salience bias. Dispositional characteristics like personality are more salient and easier to notice than subtle situational variables.
  • Self-serving bias. It can be self-protective to blame others’ behaviors on their personality while attributing our own flaws to circumstances.
  • Culture and individualism. Western culture emphasizes individual personalities over collective situational factors.
  • Cognitive overload. It’s cognitively taxing to consider situational variables, so we opt for faster personality explanations.

The fundamental attribution error persists because it is an automatic, common and often unconscious bias in how we perceive and judge others’ behaviors.

Consequences of the Fundamental Attribution Error

Committing the fundamental attribution error can lead to:

  • Judging others inaccurately and unfairly.
  • Damaging relationships through distrust.
  • Miscommunication and conflict based on false attributions.
  • Blaming individuals for outcomes caused by situational factors.
  • Underestimating the power of contexts and environments to shape behavior.

By overlooking situational influences, the fundamental attribution error causes us to see people’s behaviors as more fixed and predictable than they really are. This can damage social relationships and impede understanding.

Assuming Similarity

Closely related to the fundamental attribution error is the tendency to assume similarity between ourselves and others. Perceiving similarity typically involves:

  • Projecting our own traits and preferences onto other people.
  • Assuming that others think, feel and react similarly to ourselves.
  • Overestimating how common our own abilities, behaviors and beliefs are.

Like the fundamental attribution error, assuming similarity stems from the intrinsic challenge of seeing beyond our own perspective. We have rich information about ourselves – our personality, emotions, experiences, preferences – that we lack about others. This information imbalance leads us to fill in the gaps by generalizing from self-knowledge.

Why We Assume Similarity Despite Differences

Once again, multiple biases contribute to the tendency to see similarity even amidst profound differences:

  • Egocentrism – Our innate self-focus causes us to use ourselves as the starting point for understanding others.
  • False consensus effect – We overestimate how typical our abilities, traits and behaviors are.
  • Ingroups and outgroups – People view ingroup members as more similar to themselves than outgroup members.
  • Need for belonging – Assumeing similarity helps satisfy our motivational need to connect with others.

Reliance on presumed similarity is a common mental shortcut when navigating social interactions and relationships.

Problems Caused by Assuming Similarity

Assuming that others share our traits and perspectives can undermine relationships and lead to poor decisions in many domains:

  • Relationship conflicts due to mismatched expectations and feelings of betrayal.
  • Failure to anticipate others’ needs and reactions different from our own.
  • Difficulty empathizing with people from different backgrounds.
  • Ill-advised business and leadership decisions based on false projected preferences.
  • Misgauging public opinion and behavior by generalizing from personal experience.

In summary, the assumption of similarity overestimates consensus and agreement while glossing over diversity in how people behave and think.

Avoiding Misattributions in Business

Assuming that clients, colleagues and employees share your perspectives can undermine effectiveness in business contexts. Some key strategies for reducing misattributions include:

  • Actively considering situational and contextual factors driving behaviors before inferring personality-based causes.
  • Seeking more information before drawing conclusions about people’s motivations and traits.
  • Comparing people’s observed behaviors across different contexts and situations.
  • Becoming aware of your own biases through introspection, training and feedback from others.
  • Consulting with colleagues to get alternate perspectives and avoid false consensus effects.

Mitigating attribution errors improves leadership, decision-making, client relations and organizational culture. It helps reduce interpersonal conflicts based on mistaken assumptions about others’ dispositions and intentions in the workplace.

Improving Customer Understanding

To avoid misjudging customer preferences and needs, companies and sales teams should:

  • Directly collect customer data through surveys, interviews and feedback channels.
  • Segment the market and develop customer personas to account for differences.
  • Actively listen to customers instead of just projecting assumptions.
  • Test products and services with diverse customer samples.
  • Examine both similarities and differences between segments.

This allows organizations to design offerings tailored to real customer needs instead of mistaken projections.

Fostering Diversity and Inclusion

Biased assumptions undermine diversity and inclusion efforts within organizations. Leaders should:

  • Emphasize awareness of attribution biases in training programs.
  • Facilitate exposure to diverse colleagues to expand mindsets.
  • Provide forums for sharing alternative perspectives.
  • Define success as understanding differences, not just similarities.
  • Assess policies, culture and decisions for narrow assumptions.

Avoiding assumptions and embracing diverse viewpoints is crucial for equitable and ethical leadership.

Overcoming Assumptions in Relationships

Assuming that loved ones share your same needs, emotional processes, and reactions to events can severely damage intimate relationships. Some tips for overcoming harmful assumptions in romantic and family relationships include:

  • Practicing mindful listening without jumping to judgments.
  • Frequently communicating to understand your partner’s unique perspective.
  • Being open about your own needs and desires.
  • Observing behavioral patterns instead of clinging to assumptions.
  • Seeking counseling when unable to avoid projecting assumptions.

Making the effort to understand those close to you, without simply mirroring your own attributes, fosters healthier and more resilient relationships.

Cross-Cultural Interactions

Well-meaning assumptions can lead to cultural misunderstandings and gaffes. Some best practices for cross-cultural interactions include:

  • Researching aspects of other cultures beforehand.
  • Demonstrating curiosity and asking questions respectfully.
  • Observing others for cues instead of relying on stereotypes.
  • Being open about cultural differences you notice or experience.
  • Showing patience and adjusting your interactions as you learn.

Assuming similarity risks trivializing or misinterpreting important cultural differences. An open and flexible mindset allows for mutual understanding.

Building Empathy

To constructively increase empathy and compassion:

  • Imagine yourself in the other’s circumstances before judging.
  • Talk to people outside your social circles to expand perspectives.
  • Consume media created by diverse voices.
  • Volunteer in community contexts distinct from your own.
  • Cultivate curiosity about how others experience the world.

Habitually envisioning how the world appears to others fosters caring, wisdom and community.

Mitigating Attribution Errors in Society

From policy debates to moral outrages, many social conflicts stem from the inability to see past the assumption that others are like us. Some remedies include:

  • Promoting cross-group interactions, especially starting in youth.
  • Electing diverse representatives.
  • Implementing perspective-taking and bias mitigation education.
  • Encouraging compassion over snap judgments in public discourse.
  • Holding media accountable for perpetuating reductive assumptions.

While difficult, collective efforts to combat flawed assumptions can facilitate social progress over time.

Developing Mindfulness

At the individual level, mindfulness practices help reduce automatic assumptions and judgments about others. Ways to cultivate mindfulness include:

  • Paying closer attention to your thought processes and biases.
  • Pausing before reacting to observe mental attributions.
  • Reserving quick judgments and considering alternate angles.
  • Openly acknowledging the limits of your self-perspective.
  • Seeking diverse experiences to challenge assumptions.

Applied regularly in daily life, mindfulness can lead to more accurate and empathetic perceptions of others different from oneself.


The deep-seated tendency to believe others share our traits, behaviors and perspectives fuels misunderstandings of all kinds. By investigating this phenomenon and its psychological underpinnings, we can discover more effective strategies for overcoming flawed assumptions in our relationships, organizations and communities. While difficult to eliminate entirely, persistent effort to look beyond the self-centered lens while embracing diversity provides a constructive path forward. Mutual understanding is possible when we remember that the only true way to grasp the human experiences of others is to listen and seek to comprehend realities different from our own.